Telly Selly Time...

So what do you know about where you live? In most cases, what you know yourself is kept to yourself. But sometimes there comes along an outsiders view, like most people would think about  Portsmouth as a naval city, which it is in a way. With the Baim films and the quotation quickies making films for other to see about different towns and cities. Now I'm not suggesting they were in anyway films to cheer up the masses away from the dreary lives they were used to at the time of their making during the 1970's and 80's, but they do have a feel of showing people that where they lived was OK.


Now I first saw Telly Savalas Looks Portsmouth on the now defunct Portsmouth Television and I was amazed this thing existed and they had got a copy to show to fill time of an afternoon.  When researching futher into the quotation quickies, I found out there had been several of these films voiced over by Telly Savalas, mainly to be shown alongside a main feature.  


First of all Telly talks about the streets being named about historical names, although most the streets themselves were modern streets in the Guildhall Square complex around the civic offices. It does seem that the irony in it, that he concentrates on a newer part which was only built after the war such as the Guildhall Walk. "The New Theatre Royal, well it was when it was built 130 years ago..." chirps Telly. Now over 30 years later, the development is changing again with brand new facilities being incorporated into the building. The Guildhall Walk is set against a background of clubs and pubs nowadays, meaning anyone wanting to go and see a big show there of an evening really can't because of the revellers there getting in everyone's way. Its a flaw which hasn't been resolved really, which bring me onto the next thing.


The Kings Theatre in Southsea, famous for it shows and performances of pantomimes each and every year. In different areas we see other places getting brand new state of the art theatres and here is a theatre from a Victorian age which still plods along gamely, now I am not saying get rid of it all together. But when the development of Gunwharf Quays was planned and built, surely it would have been wiser to build something there rather then struggle on. 


There is the building of the IBM complex which is in the North of the city, subsequently the new Lakeside 1000 development has sprung up with Port Solent in recent years. Like with other places, it has tried to tart the image up of the city. A main problem is Portsdown Hill always getting in the way, we can't build beyond it, it is like our very own Berlin Wall, that we are squeezed into the space we have. In other countries they would come up with a solution to solve this problem, short of blowing up the hill, this is a problem which will remain to fox most people. As a citizen, I am here for being here's sake. But I can see why people move away, say  
without any industry and a football club what are we? Another Detroit... 


I am not knocking the city as such, but it does make you think sometimes...

Boggenstrovia's Bits of Christmas - Number Three... Rude, Lewd and a little bit nude...

Hello again and we are at the three French Hens stage of the countdown, though who let Bridget Bardot, Audrey Tautou and Charlotte Gainsbourg in here is anyone's guess.. There comes a time of year when people like to let their hair down or in Bobby Charlton's case, his two strands... But imagine you are working making programmes all year round for people to watch, as we know though Light Entertainment is a hard business especially to get it right. So for all the staff, they need to let off some steam at the end of the year and have some fun, same goes for the performers as well.

This is where the Christmas Tape or Film, as they were originally called came into its own. As the first earliest examples are of impromptu sketches being filmed at the staff's Christmas party, usually involving a hat or a wig with some shtick of some sort. But later on more and more complicated sequences were filmed involving the stars of the time performing for the staff and even joining in with the fun. Usually the bloopers in later years were taken for out-take shows, generally the more racier stuff was kept in to appeal to the staff and every year a competition was held privately to find out who could put together the best one.

Though when journalists found a skit involving Princess Anne being interviewed by David Coleman had been edited down to make Anne say things out of context to the interview, the tapes were clamped down on more and more as practises in the broadcasting industries were changed. But contrary to belief, these tapes have not gone away, the stars maybe weary about taking part but the staff at television companies and regions still do make them for their own amusement....

Let's a look at what the boys and girls in VT got upto...

1. "Give me a shot of Enge please!"

The legendary Stewart "CUE THE ROLLER!" Morris here directing a piece for the BBC 1979 Christmas tape 'Good King Memorex' partly persuading Engelbert Humperdinck to film a piece with the girl dancers from his show for VT, but also Stewart plays along with the nature of the tape making jokes as he goes. This shows Morris at his best, in control but getting the best out the performers he worked with but also having a laugh as well. Stewart Morris could that so well, knowing that his rapore with the staff he worked with was intact to be able to produce great shots when needed, but loving the cheekyness of the whole thing as well...

2. "I don't believe it! Figgis, why have you got a party hat on?"

Richard Wilson here in full 'Only When I Laugh' mode with James Bolam as well offering good advice on the do's and dont's of Christmas lunch from a 1983 LWT Christmas Tape. Wilson known for appearing 'Only When I Laugh' at that time, acts the same way that his character does to make it sound very genuine. Its his words which make this clip, appealing to the saucy nature of production crew, the laughter from the crew says it all "We get where you are coming from..." or depending on the nature of where the wind is blowing... But seeing this doesn't make Richard Wilson of being other then being a great performer, in fact it adds to it that he can play on the naughty side and still seem believable as his character.... Even with James Bolam not even saying anything, it makes the clip funnier that they just stuck a party hat on him to get into the spirit of things...

3. "Boll-locks!"

The best of the BBC here featuring the late Sir Jimmy Savile, Angela Rippon, Richard Baker and sweary Dalek as they enjoy themselves and show their boobs or should that their goof-ups? When newsreaders are singing and dancing ten-a-penny nowadays, Richard Baker just has to put on a wig to make people laugh. Plus during a break from one of his many shows, Les Dawson treats us to a little tune on the piano but the star has to be Noel Edmonds who has a very little time to tell us what's on Swap Shop that Saturday but in such little time he makes so make goofs much to the amusement of Maggie Philbin and John Craven who are supposed to be dozing either side of him. With one familiar refrain of "Merry Christmas VT!" they know that the mistake which has just occurred will be put on tape ready for the Christmas tape that year.

4. "He's a sports PA and he went onto work for the FA..."

Finally, a musical number about working in the BBC Sports department including Suzie Quatro and her band plus a man who went onto oversee England at the World Cup, one Brian 'You work for the BBC, out you go!' Barwick. Ms Quatro plays a little ditty, installing the virtues of working in the BBC Sports department in the late 70's. Taking on everybody and everyone by the presenters and commentators seemingly not trusting the sports PA's it seems, but also footage from many far flung places such as Munich and also a cold soggy first division football ground as well. Its little wonder why the BBC didn't have any left after this or either that everything was settled with a few pints in the BBC bar... Lager 1 Malt Whiskey.. Two dozen...

So that's another aspect of Christmas wrapped up in protective foil for another time, come back on Wednesday when I'll have part four...

Boggenstrovia's 12 Bits of Christmas - Number Two... An Eerie Presents...

As we stumble our way towards the 25th, the same sort of things come up in everyway... We've been to the panto, not literally.. I don't think I would have a bus big enough for everyone! So what's next on the list?

Well maybe some presents for a start, but with so many stores out there there so much choice and Christmas is a time to hear those cash tills a ringing or beeping as they go. With enough beeps, it would send Dale Winton into a buying frenzy as he goes. But at this time, everyone of them is trying to scramble for cash. With Bruce Forsyth laughing at a weak Andrew Flintoff pun as they go around and around, a lesser man would say that they are disappearing into the abyss of the celebrity merry-go-round. But not me, they are flogging food for a supermarket. Though who's been wanting us to get our cash out of our wallets, well partly to pay for their massive wages, let's take a look...

1. Anita then Harris...

Woolies, gone from the High Street but they new how to lay it on thick to get the wallets out. If there was any more stars in these adverts, it surely would have Sir Patrick Moore complaining they are getting the way of Uranus. In 1981 two of the Goodies, namely the beardy one and the shiny shows one were elf helpers to a woman who had lost her skirt for comedy only a decade and a bit earlier. In looking at they look like they are thinking about the money already as they film the ad during the hottest day of the year, plus with more oriental girls than on a dating site and a load of cossacks as well. It can't be said that effort hasn't been taken in doing the ad, but I suddenly think I want a Bontempi B226 Electric Organ...

Motorway Cops.... The early years.

2. There's a big Boots up the rear...

Boots, the chemist who thought they could do anything they wanted and went back to selling Corn Plasters. Now there was a time when they could do anything hence me being able buy a board game based on the BBC News and a Gameboy during the 1980's there, but the sort of let's all buy a teasmade idea seems odd now. Boots was an Aladdin's cave of gifts, on one floor would could get a new set of saucepans along with a toy kitchen as well. In most adverts it seems people are happy to being getting the items they are getting, compare and contrast to a wet and drizzly Saturday afternoon in Portsmouth. It doesn't seem so glamourous then and if anyone had any of those clothes, it would be like aliens had landed in Commercial Road... Not a case of take us to your leader, more like "I think you need to go to Mr Clive, mate..."

"Oh.. Its a camera.... I wanted a nuclear fission reactor instead!"

3. There's No-One Quite like flogging some carrots...

The St Winifred's School Choir, the mini Nolans... After their Grandma, we love you success. Its seems like the funds were low, so they were trotted out by the Co-Op to flog carrots and swedes with what you would call a medley of songs. But they aren't flogging anything at all! Come on, Co-Op put up a few prices or something. as how are we going to know how much your fruit flans are this year. Nana maybe thiking it all nice and cute, but do they realise that Sally Lindsay is in there? From selling potato waffles to waffling on Loose Women, some career paths take strange routes but surely that's taking the Danish Cookies... In which that a supermarket can show the way towards the cheeseboard, it can get annoying very quickly. By that effect, they might as well pump my veins with chocolate sauce now...

Tri-angling for a daily chat show...

4. "Pull a whopping cracker!"

George 'Doctor' Layton installing the vertues of getting a Telstar record, for the measly price of £3.99. If you want your party to go with a swing, get these! A half of mild, plus Charles and David tinkling on the ivories. Now that sounds like my type of party, atmospherics made to be improved with a knees-up from London's finest. In itself, that sounds like a good idea. But any party made real during the 80's, a equation of Chas and Dave plus stale Sausage Roll equals good times. Looking back on it, it seems surreal really or maybe it was a test of character to be able to see in a nuclear war the masses could survive Chas and Dave records being played as entertainment. As we know they along with cockroaches are the only things that can survive a nuclear blast...

"Its The Sleighriders!"

"Who?"

5. That SWEB Shopping Surprise! 

Lastly, a taste of the regions... Before Mr Big Business got his hands on the Electric Companies, they had shops where you could go and buy your electrical goods there. You not only used their products, but you brought them off them too. But who else could encourage you to buy them than Tom Good, yes Richard Briers lends his vocal talents to this commercial and you could say its the only thing that's glamorous about it. The ripping of the paper almost like there's only one person filming, directing and producing the advert, adding to this effect the sickly santa doll which appears on top of the washing machine makes it seem like an ITV ident put together in the week before Christmas. In that it seems like something has been put into the advert and that is love, love for an advert which seems a reminder why simple is better...

That's the presents sorted then, join me on Monday as we find another load of clips to fill the stocking with...

Jack's Bean and gone...

So here we are, the first of my 12 bits leading up to Christmas. Taking the festive season and making it drink so much Egg Nog and Absinthe, that come Boxing Day it'll be wondering about a recipe for scrambled eggs...

Starting off with...

1. Pantomines...

"He's behind you!" The regular call heard at theatres up and down the country over December and Early January, usually when someone's drink is split... Either that the refrain of children excited by sweets and also a character searching for someone. The panto has developed over the years from the early Harlequinade to today's sophisticated lights and music shows, in modern times the attraction is the stars who are in the panto itself. Taking its lead from Music Hall, the great entertainers have always appeared. From Pop stars to comedians and sports stars, they have each done their turns. Each story in turn has been adapted for the major star to show off their talent, for instance Rolf Harris would do his Jake the Peg act in the middle of Cinderella. Which bears no relationship to the plot itself, but it gave the chance to for others to shine. 


The dame is a key role in any pantomine, acting as a foil for the comical turn such as Buttons but also entertaining the audience in themself. The role has been filled with performers with the magnitude of  Chris Harris famous in the South for his time presenting 'Hey Look That's Me!' but also the quality of Les Dawson, Dawson is the master of the dame. His style, the demeanour and also the way he sells the role to the audience.... A true pro...

In myself, my experiences of panto are sort of mixed really from the Kings Theatre in Portsmouth seeing the great stars performing and getting up on stage with Brian Cant to tell an awful joke. But in meeting the great man was enough, but in that same performance... Major embarassment... When Lorraine Chase was playing Aladdin and was at a crucial scene when she finds the lamp originally, guess who shouted at the top of his voice as the lone voice "Rub the Lamp!" Which she replied "Thanks..." I could have nearly died, thinking back on it... Not the best move at all... Thinking over all the stars I saw in panto, it encouraged my love of Light Entertainment...

"Its Bobby Davro... Who?"

This gem comes from 2009 when Bobby Davro, and Mickey Rooney starred in panto in Milton Keynes... Milton Keynes isn't funny in itself, but it comes from the tradition of the stars being put into the panto who maybe don't fit as such... When Frank Bruno went into panto, it was because he was famous for his boxing but with the trend for reality stars now it seems that panto has changed into a vehicle for people who may have been on the television soon enough. The nature of this has been shown in the previous year when Britt Ekland came out of the jungle and to the Kings Theatre, it might be good publicity for the show itself. But with the currency of this, it leads to more people coming to the theatre and also something as such with their effect. 

So what else is there? Maybe a bit of festive time ads, involving panto... This from 1987 with Children's ITV , in which it feels right to be involved with panto time...

More fun here on Saturday... Enjoy people!

A quizzical situation...

In these times of the credit crunch everyone is feeling the pinch, especially the television industry. So it comes down to what ideas are cost effective and usually the solution lies in mass producible programmes such as Deal or No Deal and Countdown leading to monster runs of each basically spanning the whole year.
The phenomenal success of Pointless shows that a stranded show in the schedule puts the channel into a position where they can control what they want to do.  In the re-runs of early Pointless on Challenge, the seed is sewed as far the game is so addictive and being able to play along at home, which any quiz is giving its back teeth for.

ITV have experimented somewhat more then the BBC by re-introducing The Price Is Right with Joe Pasquale some time ago. But everyone knows about Golden Balls and Weakest Links of this world, though if it gets worse what shows will be brought back?

Here we ponder at the lesser lights which could fill up a wet Wednesday afternoon against Dickinson’s Real Deal...


Takeover Bid (BBC 1)
The Brucie lead vehicle of the late 80’s and early 90’s when he came back to the BBC, encouraging players to steal prizes off their opponents. Quite right for these times when it seems like every other company is taking over everyone else, so why not have that business-like jolly uncle turned entertainment host Gerry Robinson takes over the role of quizmaster plus with the added bonus of Adam ‘Shaw’s Shares’ Shaw as the glamorous assistant. “Your prizes value may go up or down owing to market conditions….”


Talkabout (ITV 1)
Verbally adept game show once introduced by future Peep Show executive producer Andrew O’Connor is brought up by Simon Cowell’s Syco TV in which the self appointed entertainment guru ditches the game and makes up the rules as he goes along. Contestants are punished if they don’t talk about The X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent or any show presented by Ant’n’Dec, the show is given a trillion week monster run by ITV as they see the potential to use a phone vote to get rid of the contestants one by one…

  Lucky Ladders (ITV 1)
Presented by the woman from the accident claim line adverts. As contestants come on and claim for such things as a loose fitting pen lid to a violent sneezing fit because the waitress in a Little Chef dropped the pepper. If their claim is suitable enough they are given thousands which they have to pay back eventually at double the rate of inflation…

"Gordon Bennett! No it's actually Lennie in fact..."

The Travel Quiz (BBC 1)
Contestants are giving the chance to win pictures of all the destinations that they cannot travel, all to due to the rising costs of air fuel. Due to copyright restriction, only pictures of British seaside resorts maybe used thanks to a dusty box of photos left over from Holiday ’78 found in a cupboard at the back of BBC canteen behind tins of semolina and prunes. (Andi “Ow, that’s rather hot isn’t it?” Peters not included…)




That’s My Dog (ITV 1)
Ironic twist gameshow, where half the staff of Heat Magazine are charged with
trying to control certain nightclub *ahem* beauties and keep them from getting
too merry before filming whilst Derek Hobson tries to reflect where his career has
gone and why they have turned the South-West’s number one produced gameshow
into a scene from Footballer’s Wives…



If that the case of being funny, by suggesting them its a serious business that people will tell you in the number of quiz shows have been piloted for BBC and ITV, with The Weakest Link leaving us soon, it brings into focus that when a format finishes, the next idea has to be ready to go....

So when they've started I'll finish and hopefully it'll be a starter for ten...

Shame about the show...

What makes a show real? Realism or a mixture of stories with something to say? Now Shameless has reached 100 shows, it has changed drama and made a debate about how it should be. Some people may see it as chavs and naer-do-wells upto no good while other may see it as the best drama in a long time. In terms of kitchen sink drama it has pushed the boundaries to the edge, learning that the basis for its drama should be what people see everyday. Of course people don't always live on a council estate, they may live in the country or in a town, but they can recognise characters they know in a show.

But these types of dramas have always tried to hold a mirror upto the nation at various time and said "Have a good look at yourself and see what you see.." Now people may not like what they see, other may see themselves and others may start to see what they are becoming. Through films such as Kes and also Saturday Night and Sunday Morning which reflected a realism which people were crying out for in the 1960's and 1970's came through a spirit, almost akin to their own properties. As we look at the 80's for example with Alan Bleasdale's Boys from the Blackstuff, showing the situation with employment as people got laid off from jobs and had to fight to survive in the atmosphere which had been created at that time. The mantra of Yosser Hughes being 'Gissa Job' was never so true at those times.

Fast forwarding to today, Shameless fills the gap where once costume drama would have filled and the characters are as compelling as any in Dallas. For Frank Gallacher, has become an idol to some but also a clarion call to others. Through the riots recently, people were screaming about this, that and everything. It is convient to show people reclaiming their cities when they think its appropriate, but for the small person it doesn't hold much truck to them. I wouldn't say that it could be claimed that I was a chav myself but in Shameless its the need for something which exists in our minds only. The need for putting everyone in the same box, there are good and bad people out there, never I could say that in judgement I could pick everyone on either side. I might be right, I might be wrong... It might be Shameless to say, that Shameless has pushed the boundaries again...

Ever feel like you've been ad?

Over time, I've been noticing that adverts and the actual programmes have been merging into one. I don't mind product placement as that's been going on in America for years now, plus also teleshopping because that was a key part of ITV making money at the start.

But slowly there has been a fog of confusion creeping in, such as the Philadelphia commercial with chef Ed Baines and a member of the public. Handily they put 'Advertisement' in small writing so you can just about see it. But switch over quickly from a channel and that's on, you don't know if its a programme or not! With so many channels including Food Network on Freeview now, you'd have a job trying to remember your place on there.

"Are you sure you're not from the Blue Man Group?"

Adverts were a chance to get up and make a cup of tea once, but now they serve as another thing to keep us in our seats and have a moan at the telly. So they've caught us lock, stock and barrel. But they do push their luck a bit now, for example the Gillette Pro Duraglide Challenge Man...

.

Too horrific to even show...

This man stalks changing rooms through out the land looking for innocent young men to thrust his shiny new thing on them with his call "Whoo buddy!" Never in my life have I ever said 'Whoo'

I've said Nrrrggghh and Grrrrr, mostly at this ad... Plus all the men in the advert are happy to see him! The first words usually used in that situation are "Where the f**k did you come from? If you don't move away I'm calling the police!" Are we meant to feel kinship with this man?

Advertisers try to make us feel like these people are our mates, but it wasn't that long ago when some like Robert Dougal would be selling us Reader's Digest or Rodney Bewes would greet us with the cheery refrain "Hello Faggot lovers.." It seems like we have come to situation that we cannot even believe the celebrities we see nowadays because they might be telling us half truths. In gameshows we need Celebrities to entertain us and members of the public during the ad breaks to sell us stuff that we don't need...

Doctor News and the Daleks?

But as Rice Krispies says nowdays in its little song... "Snap, Crackle, Pop... Its a crazy, crazy world we live in..."

Maybe that's what we can only believe in, cartoons and also a monkey flogging tea... Oh how times have changed...