Making a mockery of it all... The world of fantasy television stations and schedules

I have a confession to make here, I am a faker... No, get back up! Its not as bad as that! But I once was a part of the mock making community and a proud associate of the Afternoon Programmes Follows Shortly website, like many that I do know they had the same idea of making idents for companies past, present and future. Now I make no bones about this, as a researcher and a writer, now I write about shows and companies past and present here as you've seen over time. But part of me always goes back to those past days of making idents, OK so I drew idents in sketch books with felt tips but ask yourself when haven't done something similar with anything whether that be buses, fashion or anything involving design at all.

But when search through a few things I stumbled across a fantasy schedule which I made for the APFS website in 2003 of a notional TVS still being on the air at that time and of a Saturday schedule as I thought it should go. Some of you might say 'Totally wrong!' but its interesting to see how it actually developed in the real world and the changes which have happened since then that time.

OK we start with breakfast television, that first cup of tea and bowl of cornflakes wake up call

0700	AM-UK
	Featuring news and weather at 08.00 and 09.00 (Central/ITN Co-production) Right so, its come to pass that breakfast television is still on the air but now on a Saturday that ITV offers more children's programmes in that slot. Yes, its true they used to but also they had the regular magazine programme compared to the weekday version it was a like a pull-out from a newspaper at weekends. But I thought it would still exist in some form or the other, because everyone need news at 8am on a Saturday morning, right? Right?
0925	The Sunshine Show
	Join Wes Butters and Becky Hunter for another fun packed Saturday morning where anything can happen and usually does! Featuring guests Ally McCoist and Harry Hill. (Central Production) Ah yes, the Saturday morning children's magazine programme.. A rarer beast then the dinosaurs nowadays, you know I thought it would be there for ever much like children's programmes during the afternoon, but no.. We are subjected to something even worse then Ready Steady Cook now, repeats of Midsummer Murders for weeks on end. There are children's channels on Freeview and Satellite, but ask anyone as these programmes were a great start to the weekend, non thinking and entertaining. Who's awake enough to make some elaborate meal at 10am?   Plus the presenters, Becky Hunter was in the Channel 5 soup Family Affairs at that time and had done some children's television in the past, which meant she'd be perfect for the female role... See Sarah Greene, Emma Forbes, Zoe Ball etc, etc. But who the funky norse is Wes Butters, I think he was on Radio One at the time and now he's... Just he's.. I'm sure someone can provide the answer, maybe I was thinking along the lines of Noel Edmonds and Mike Read. Then again Chris Moyles went to Channel 5, did some stuff and went back to the radio...
1200	ITN News, Weather
1210	TVS News
1215	On The Ball
	Gabby Logan is joined by Clive Allen and John Barnes to preview the first day of the new Premiership season. (LWT Production) News, followed by sport. Natural enough for a Saturday, this was the time when ITV had just got the Premiership and of course there is Football Focus now but how long did Gabby Logan last until she high-tailed it to the Beeb? Clive Allen went back to Tottenham Hotspur to become a coach and John Barnes went through management until just coming to the media appearing as a pundit after going through Channel 5 as the host until they found Colin Murray and thought, can he do it? Well, haven't got anyone else...
1300	World Of Sport
	Jim Rosenthal introduces all today's top sporting action including the final leg of the Round Britain Powerboat race between Plymouth and Southsea, Hants. Racing - At The Races from Sandown and Wolverhampton, wrestling from Doncaster Town Hall. With the day's results at 4.40pm. (LWT Production) Right OK, I hold my hands up at this. Little did I know that eventually all Saturday sport would be focussed on live sport rather then bite sized chunks, well it was going that way at that time maybe wishful thinking trying to relaunch World of Sport but Grandstand was just about chugging along at that time. Racing was still very much a BBC thing at that time, but now it has gone all commercial with Channel 4 becoming the main racing broadcaster in this country even buying up the Grand National, well we wait to see what happens with that next year then...
1720	ITN News, Weather
1725	TVS News and Sport
	Rounding up all the day's news and local sport. What he said...
1735	The Pyramid Game
	Two teams compete for the top prize of £50,000 and for the celebrities there a chance of winning £5000 for their chosen charity, introduced by Paul Ross. (LWT Production) Ah, the smell of a Saturday night gameshow and one where people aren't just bashing into foam rubber with a small man laughing all the time, plus £50000 too! Blimey, I was thinking big then! Maybe hindsight, but if they can bring back Catchphrase and they did bring back Family Fortunes with Vernon Kay of all people. But Paul Ross, come on! He was big back then! If wet, Danny Baker...
1810	Search for a Star
	12 contestants aim for the top and try and become the star of tommorow. But its your choice who stays and who goes, as they get voted off one by one, presented by Bradley Walsh. (Phone lines open after the the show has finished) (Central Production) Yes, its Britain's Got Talent before Britain's Got Talent! A twenty-five million pound royality check please Mr Cowell! The same concept as all of his shows, but with Bradley Walsh who now is the gameshow king with The Chase of course. Stretch it over 11 weeks, job's a good 'un! There's more revivals then you can shake a stick at here! Plus another Central production here, rather then some company which has only been set up by a comedian in the past two days for tax purposes..
1900	Ultra Quiz
	Phillip Schofield and Tess Daly introduces a new series of the world biggest quiz from Brighton, in which 1000 contestants compete for the top prize of one million pounds, only if they can survive challenge of tasks set before them as the travel around the country. (TVS Production) Oooh! A million pounds with Phillip Schofield on ITV as it should be and Tess Daly, who went over to Auntie Beeb of course to become Brucie's nurse maid of course.. No! She is one of the BBC biggest properties of course! But considering this, German television do huge shows all the time. So why not a programme on the scale of this and plus a bonus with it too! No singing or dancing!
2000	Search for a Star result
	Bradley Walsh brings the result of the public phone vote to see who stays and who goes. (Central Production)
2030	Harry Hill's Saturday Allsorts
	Join Harry and friends with fun for the all the family featuring special guests Darius Danesh and Leslie Ash. (LWT/Avalon Co-production) Its Harry Hill's TV Burp everybody! What a killer combo too! Leslie Ash and Darius Danesh! Never did ever think that combination would ever work... Except in a Harry Hill sketch... Now, what are the chances of that happening!
2115	ITN News and Sport
2130	Tales of the Unexpected
	The Woman Who Lost Her Voice - Starring Lucy Davis as Tal, a young woman who is left mute by witnessing her family getting killed in a car crash. But Dr Susan Hamilton (Keeley Hawes) is convinced there is more to Tal then meets the eye. (Anglia Production) But this I can say I got sort of right, quality drama on a Saturday night. Now it maybe like a Doctor Who story this, but what better then Tales of the Uexpected to bring the threshold up. So Jasper Carrott's daughter and Keeley Hawes sounds like a dream combination or I'm guessing I'd had a rather hot curry that day... Though the thought about a drama anthology seems strange now but doing a different story each week maybe a future way of reviving a strand of dram which has laid dormant for a long time.
2215	The Big Match
	Matt Smith with analysis from Clive Allen, as they look back on the opening day's action of the Premiership including Manchester United V Bolton Wanderers, Arsenal V Everton and Portsmouth V Aston Villa. Plus all the goals from the rest of the day's games. (LWT Production) More sport and Portsmouth as a top flight club... We can but dream nowadays...
2345	The Half a Lager and Kebab Show
	Late night comedy, sketches and stand up featuring Jimmy Carr, Lucy Porter and the rest of the gang. (TSW Production) The Steam Powered Video Company in a Devon pub then.. Jimmy Carr, small then big now... Lucy Porter, small but perfectly formed and most probably Russell Howard too with one eye on getting the lead or is hat just his lazy eye again?
0045	The Hitman and Her
	Pete Waterman and new presenter Hayley Evetts aim to put the fever back into Saturday nights with great music, games and late night fun. This week the programme comes from Romeo's in Norwich. (Granada Production) Yes, its a club night on the television so after half a lager and a kebab, dance it back up in a sweaty club! Pete Waterman needing more money for rolling stock then and some Pop Idol girl then... All the big hits and we're still talking about Pete here you know...
0130	Weather, Closedown

Finally closedown then, don't forget to butter the table etc, etc... Now you could say that this is way off, there could be hints of a good schedule here but that was half the fun of being a mocker, coming up with new and interesting ideas but I am not ashamed of doing it at all. If it wasn't for that I would be doing this and thank goodness for that!

Boggenstrovia at the Olympics - Part Two...

After the Mexico Olympics of 1968 showed the public the wonders of colour television and a mass sporting occasion, meant the take up for colour television sets was steady as by the time the 1972 Munich Olympics came around. Broadcasting using the PAL system both used in the UK and also in host country Germany, unlike Mexico when the pictures needed converting to both 405 lines and also 625 lines as well. It allowed pictures just to stream back to the BBC in London bringing more extensive coverage then ever before and more live events as well.

Historical feats of endevour such as Mark Spitz's seven gold medals, Mary Peters winning the hepthalon could be seen live and brought into people's homes but to all this there was one event which overshadow these Olympics and them from a great sporting event to looking at dramatic and tragic unfolding before the viewing public.

On September 5th, what was seen as the friendly games was to be shaken to its core when the Palestinian terrorist group Black September got into the Athletes Village and held hostage five Israeli athletes and six of the Israeli coaching staff. When this happened, it was clear that the world's eyes would focused on their television sets watching an apartment block in the Athlete's Village. With this developing situation, what had been the world's top sports broadcasters covering the Olympic event meant they had turned into news anchors informing the public what was happening.

For David Coleman, that day was to be a rest day for him having commentated on the Athletics and also having anchored coverage as well the previous day. But this was all to change when his fellow athletics commentator Ron Pickering came to his room banging on his door. After being awoke by the rapid pounding of the room he was staying in, Pickering relayed the news that no-one wanted to hear.

Coleman went straight to the studio to anchor what was effectively rolling news coverage of the events unfolding, unbelievable to think now with twenty-four hour news available. Such was the BBC's higher management judgement, they trusted Coleman with holding the coverage together whilst reporting any news as to what was going on. As hour after hour passed with a single locked-off camera looking at the apartment block's balcony with the terrorists on it, the events came to their gory conclusion with the terrorists trying to escape with the hostages by helicopter but with them, German police and Secret Service officers being involved in a firefight. The story which had unraveled was one of tragedy and such as a mark of respect, the games were postponed for a few days for those who had died.

When coverage started again with a memorial service for those who had died, Coleman was once again called upon to be the BBC's commentator for the service relaying the feelings of all athletes, officials and the public to the viewer at home. It was during these games that Coleman's reputation was cemented as one of the broadcasting giants.

For all the BBC's coverage of the 1972 Olympic Games, ITV had made different plans themselves. They had announced they were going to show the day's best action in a two hour block of programming per day, as the TV Times had said about their plans "You can catch all of the day's best Olympic action, but also still watch Max Bygraves as well..."

This in itself seemed antiquated, but compared to the overshadowing events seem irrelivant. But ITV's relationship with the Olympics has been patchy at times though. Through the European Broadcasting Union's purchasing wholesale of the coverage of the Olympic Games, like the World Cup, allowed ITV to cover them as well as the BBC.

The first time that ITV covered the Olympics with full gusto was in 1968 when LWT had been put in charge of editing ITV's coverage of the games. Though one man made his debut on commentary duties for ITV in 1968 who would commentate on every Olympics right upto the 2012 addition of the games, but more later on him...

With similar coverage in 1976 for the Montreal games, ITV's coverage seemed almost non-exsistant in the public's eye. But for the BBC, who broadcast more live hours of sport then ever before, these games were memorable for the public being able to vote on which theme tune the BBC would use for their coverage via Nationwide and a postal vote. Unique by the way the theme was chosen, apart from very few other programmes this was one of the first examples of interactivity. By 1980 though both the broadcasting and the political landscape surrounding the Moscow Olympics was very different.

With the Soviets invasion of Afganistan in 1979, lead to questions being asked about the games and participation of nations by both the sporting organisations themseves and politicans as well.

With several countries withdrawing from the games including the United States, which meant NBC which had big plans for covering the games had to withdraw their live coverage apart from highlights on the nightly news. But for British broadcasters it was catch-22, some sports had gone to Moscow such as the Athletics team and the swimmng teams, other completely withdrew. Where as it was British athletes competing, they had go under the Olympic flag as independent athletes after the government gave the choice to the individual athletes if they wanted to go to Moscow or not.

But this lead to both BBC and ITV scaling down coverage for these games, though the events which counted the most were covered live by both. It was costly for NBC in the end, but for memorable moments for British competitors great for ITV and more so BBC. Though as it came around to 1984, the BBC were able to offer through the night coverage of the LA Olympics even changing the BBC1 globe of the time to the Olympic rings with the globe contained within them.

These games were truely Hollywood with sun beating down and also the Americans as host broadcaster, it gave a new perspective to the coverage with the BBC wanting to showcase what was going on but really from this point the coverage changed more to live events and with the BBC gaining full live rights in 1992, it may gained huge audiences upto and including the London games. But it somehow lost a little bit with one network showing coverage and that alone.

Coleman, Pickering and the other great commentators may have been there, but as we have seen new commentators have taken their place, some good, some bad... But the experience of Olympic Grandstand, it was a part of coverage but that will never be forgotten for what it did for sports broadcasting...

Thought what about that man who's commentated on every Olympics since 1968? Barry Davies, the man behind the mic... His commentary has brought moments of importance to the screen such as the 1988 men's hockey gold medal, his line "Where were the Germans? Frankly who cares..." It struck a cord with the viewers. Yes maybe jingoistic in some ways, but it captured the moment so well and his dulcet tones are still commentating on the hockey at the latest games nearly 44 years later...

Boggenstrovia at the Olympics - Part One

As you may have noticed the Olympics have started in London during the past few days, no matter what your viewpoint on the games like Marmite, love or hate... No matter television has been the number one medium to see the games on and this has been shown in the remarkable viewing figures for the Opening Ceremony and also events which would not be called mainstream at all outside of the usual big sports.

Television has played a major part in the Olympics development and bringing them to the people, from using them as propaganda through to both historic and also tragic moments as well.

The first televised Olympics were in 1936, when Adolf Hitler used the games to show off his ideal society and ideal image through sport. A closed circuit television system using 180 lines was set up in association with a radio system to bring the games to over 41 different countries, two different companies Telefunken and Fernseh using different systems themselves retrospectively bringing 72 hours of live coverage to special booths set upto to allow the public to watch the events live, based in Potsdam and also Berlin, this gave the public for the first the opportunity to watch live action of the athletes competing.

But this was to backfire on Hitler, when Jessie Owens won four gold medals at the games with apparent ease. Allowing the historic footage to be captured not only live but on film as well, capturing the first of many moments in Olympic history to be replayed again and again.


With the outbreak of World War Two, the planned Olympics which were meant to take place in both Tokyo and also London were cancelled. Though in London's case they hosted the first post-war games in 1948, with the BBC covering the events zeal allowed even more coverage to be beamed to even more homes then ever before allowed live coverage to the lucky few people who had television sets at that time. It can be said that a different type of propaganda was used to persuade austerity Britain to see this great event and buy a television set, patriotic pride maybe but on television's journey in Great Britain this was another step along the way. 

The Olympics went through both the Helsinki, Melbourne and Rome games with Melbourne being the first games to allow pictures to come from the other side of the world but still on film but with a delay, the new watchword was live and live is how the public wanted to see the events of the games. With new technologies coming in such as satellite technology allowed events to be covered almost live but more live then they had been than ever before, meaning events that had happened on that very same day. The Relay 1 satellite allowed only 15-20 minutes of broadcast to take place during each of its orbits allowing European viewers to see pictures, plus as also the Telecast satellite allowed pictures to beamed to the United States but also allowed the pictures to be beamed to Relay 1 as well.

This was to be the first major Olympics were one man came to the attention of the whole of the nation and not just sports fans, one David Coleman was the main athletics commentator whose reputation as one the best commentators in Britain was made in one race. The 800 metres featuring Britain's Anne Packer, the favourite for the women's 400m. The finish itself of the 800 metres, saw packer overtake Mayvonne Dupureur of France in a thrilling finish to allow Coleman's enthusiasm to come through the screen and into living rooms to experience the event themselves. A stalwart of every Olympic Games up until his retirement after the 2000 Sydney games, his most proudest moment has to be the linking of the tragic events of the Israeli Athletes hostage situation at the 1972 Munich Games where his journalistic training came into its own, staying live with events for several hours live whilst the events unfolded and also at the memorial service for the dead athletes and the other who had died a few days later.

Such was his contribution to broadcasting that the outgoing International Olympic Committee President Juan-Antonio Samaranch presented Coleman with the Olympic Order in 2000 in recognition of his services to the Olympic ideals. There are so many other moments with David Coleman, he represents a huge part of British Olympic History in which for many people he was the voice of the Olympics.

The Mexico Olympics was another turning point for Olympic coverage and television, with Satellite technology now improved it meant that for the first time totally live coverage could happen allowing the viewing public to see the event at the same time as people in the venues themselves but more importantly that BBC 2 had started broadcasting in colour in 1967, that the fully majesty of the technicolour aspects of the Olympics could be seen such as what colour the athletic track was, how blue the water in the swimming pool was but also in the Opening Ceremony as well, in future years would allow people to the full spectacle live and direct as well.

 Coming up next time, we go to Germany, see Canada nearly go Bankrupt, America not turn up behind the Iron Curtain but Britain does and does rather well plus the USSR don't do as well and a different kind of rocket man and UFO...

A wide world of sport and a whole new world for me...

In the past couple of weeks I have decided to spread my wings somewhat by trying to write for the local Portsmouth News, by doing a piece for their Saturday TV Nostalgia column. It may not be an in-depth piece, that it is not the style of the column at all, but its a start a I suppose... Here it is..

In today's world of multiple sports channels, its hard to forget there was a time when two shows dominated Saturday afternoons, the BBC had Grandstand whilst ITV's version was World of Sport. Though the two could not have been more different at all, if Grandstand was like  a luxury sofa, then World of Sport was like a beanbag.

It was presented by Dickie Davies for all of its life, a man who looked like a cross between a badger and a used car salesman whilst all the time helming a mixed bag of sports from the sublime to the ridiculous titled including the World Clown Diving Championship. Which was basically men in fuzzy rainbow coloured wigs diving into a paddling pool for entertainment.

On Christmas Eve 1977, Eric Morecambe brought his brand of comedy to help Dickie Davies present the programme. Even leading to Morecambe commenting on Davies' trademark moustache whilst Dickie was introducing the next with the line "The last time I saw anything like that they kill a whole herd of buffalo to make it!" With Davies trying to keep a straight face throughout this chaos happening around him!

In the end with ITV wanting to head in a new direction with its sports coverage, World of Sport was axed in 1985. But for a programme which was going to be called 'Wide World of Sports' originally, it did pretty good by covering events more close to home.

2012 (c) Rob Williams

Double Topping out at the Lakeside...

So it's that time of year again, the post Christmas buy up of food and also something else which happens in January which I like as well. Its darts time! For man of seemingly good taste, that I love  
men and ladies chucking arrows at a board.  But it all stems from my childhood, from an earlier age seeing these people throwing darts both in tournaments and on Bullseye as well. 


From that love came something brilliant, my era has to be Bristow, Lowe, Wilson and Deller era plus 'Big Cliff' Lazerenko as well, they captured the spirit of sportsmen. Not the booze and cigarettes, which everyone focusses on especially in the Not The Nine O'Clock News sketch. To some which may have been taking the rise, but if Sid Waddell thought it was good for darts, then its good enough for me. 

"Triple Vodka... Double Pint..."

With Rowan Atkinson's Geordie tones, impersonating Sid Waddell. It captures the spirit of the age, but anything to capture the imagination was good. Need a darts player? Then get Bobby George to appear with Emu or Eric Bristow to advertise his darts game for Woolworths at Christmas, but the one to capture my mind was John Thomas Wilson. Better known as Jocky, his throwing style was like no other, he made the snatch one of his own but even with a throw like that could do some good things. World Champion in 1982 and 1990, he looked liked what I look like now. That maybe a good or bad thing, his roguish charm made for good television as well compared to Eric Bristow winning all the time. 

Sound? Might be not good, but captures the age of the arrows...

I can't claim to be a good player even now, but having various boards over the years it gives anyone the chance to play and a man in 1983 came along to shock the world having not been known to the public. Two words... Keith Deller... Keith came into the 1983 World Championship as a qualifier and on the way to the final he'd beaten John Lowe and then came Bristow, champion in 1980 and 1981 his opponent. Such was Bristow's performances, everyone thought it would be Eric's title again.. But...

Throwing the game away...

Deller beat Bristow, thus forging his place in the darts hall of fame... To my mind it was something brilliant, the underdog winning. Even to this day, Deller gets asked about his 138 finish to win the tournament. The boyish charm made him the housewives favourite, to every young boy at that time seeing someone young winning the championship, made everyone get dart boards. Wherever they could hang the board, they would..

But to conclude, it can be dangerous as well... To my cost as well, for reasons I cannot remember... I got a dart in the leg whilst playing, I think whilst throwing it must have bounced out and into my leg, so with some TCP and being patched up, it was alright in the end... It didn't put me off at all and to this day, it makes me wince, but never take a man away from his darts...


Finally, the best theme for sport anywhere and for darts fans the one theme...

All characters small, furry and funny...

Children's television has always been the domain of weekdays filling in the bit between afternoon programmes and the news, the regulars like Blue Peter, varying children's dramas and also comedy are contained within these confines or were in ITV's case. But they ruled the roost for many years, though apart from Saturday mornings where Noel Edmonds, Mike Read, Chris Tarrant or even Tommy Boyd were to be found, there was one spot on a weekend which would see the programmes for younger people become a key part of the schedule.

After an afternoon of sport and viewers have been updated on the day's even from the newsroom, a slot was available for these shows at the start of the evening's viewing. Maybe later on with the showpiece light entertainment programme forming part of the evening's viewing for both BBC and ITV, there was a need to bring young people to the schedule but also to provide enough entertainment for adult viewers to keep with which ever channel they were watching at that point. Children's programme were as important as anything even at the weekend, so the usual children's hour would be shown on a Saturday. The BBC would be offering programmes such as 'Billy Bunter of Greyfriars School' and Jimmy Edwards in 'Whack-o!' which did later was revived in colour during 1971 and put the Saturday teatime slot, references to Top of the Pops couldn't help the revival and the programme took its place in history and allowed 'Headmaster Professor' James Edward to take off his mortar board for the final time in a series.

"Hello, my name is Michael Cane..."

Throughout the 60's this was the common practice but by the end of the decade this changed with the launch of the new ITV franchises. Supermarionation was called for in the shape of Joe 90 and his BIGRAT, though this wasn't the first time a rat was called upon on in this slot. With the emergence of Dr. Who on the BBC, ITV decided to first counter with adventures of Tarzan starring Ron Ely as the vine-swinging king of the jungle. Though by 1968 the BBC called on a character who had made appearances on other shows but had never had one of his own, laughing onto the slot came Basil Brush. Basil had started out as part of the Three Scampies which Oliver Postgate and Peter Firmin gave life to Basil, but the notoriously publicity-shy Ivor Owen gave the distinctive voice to Brush. The character appeared with magician David Nixon in 'The Nixon Line' helping or maybe hindering Nixon during tricks, but these slots gave Bill Cotton an idea, why not give Basil his own show, but just like working with Nixon, give him a helper or a straight man to bounce off with his jokes and puns.

The first of which was Rodney Bewes who came from 'The Likely Lads' to assist Basil with the usual mix of guests and stories but when he left after a year Mr Derek came along. Derek Fowlds later of Yes, Minister and Heartbeat filled the role ably until 1973 when he gave up the role allowing someone else to enter Basil's world of puns and being the stooge for them. That man was Roy North, North before that had been appearing on the West End stage in a production of Joseph and his Amazing Technicoloured Dreamcoat when he was asked to work with Basil. Of all Basil's Misters, Roy North was the one people remember the most. Not to say that Bewes, Fowlds or latterly either Howard Williams or Billy Boyle were no less as good. But North seemed at home in the role and loving it, though a person can only take enough puns, gags and stories for a lifetime and he left Basil in 1976 after three years good service. Basil himself occupied in that Saturday teatime slot for another four years after North had left the show. It had come to the end and Basil moved onto new projects.

"Oh Basil!"

On ITV to counteract the doctor, they called up another time traveller but this time rather then a police box he found himself in a new time looking to get back to his own time. That time-traveller was Catweazle, who was a wizard from the 11th century. First premiering on Sunday 15th February 1970, saw the out of his time wizard arrive and is befriended by 'Carrot' or otherwise know as Edward Bennet, a farmer's son who found Catweazle and through the first series he tried to get back to the 11th century through magic and wizardry. Leading to many slapstick situations as the confusion of this new age, to what some people would say today as 'New Age' person provided the humour, but it was not without good plots including an episode where Catweazle a fraud of a fortune teller who would give odds on tips to the punters at her husband's betting shop. Though creator Richard Carpenter thought that the programme should be able to reflect feelings as well with the time traveller whistfully saying "I belong nowhere." By grabbing the younger viewers making Catweazle a more rounded character like The Doctor, allowed the programme to have good writing and was rewarded as such in 1971 with a Writer's Guild award for best Children's drama script.

Geoffrey Bayldon was not the original choice to play the wizard, the heads of the London Weekend children's department when Carpenter first took his script to them, they wanted Jon Pertwee to play the part. But for them Pertwee had become The Doctor on BBC1, so Carpenter suggested Bayldon who himself had been turned down for the part of the first doctor in favour of William Hartnell. Though many years later they would come together for another show where both Pertwee and Bayldon share key parts together.

After a second series where Catweazle looked for the signs of the magic zodiac, hoping to get back to home to his home time the series' last episode was broadcast at 5.35pm on April 4th 1971 and Catweazle went into the pantheon of these shows.

"If thou can turneth thine electrickery heater on please, thou would be most pleased thanketh you!"

As the 70's turned into the 80's, amongst all the heroes plying their trade on Saturday night, there was a hero of sort who was very British in his make-up. Well his head was grown in Britain anyway! Southern Television was a prolific producer of children's drama throughout its history, though most of it such as Noah's Castle, The Flockton Flyer and Brendan Chase were to be found on a weekday. For a while they experimented with 'Dick Barton - Special Agent', running at fifteen minutes an episode taking on the format of the radio serial. It touched base, but wasn't a huge hit although around the same time there was another series which caught the public's imagination as well. By using the same technique of looking back at children's serials they found a character who he not appeared on the television in a drama since 1953. When the author of the Worzel Gummage books Barbara Euphan Todd died in 1976, screenwriters Keith Waterhouse and Willis Hall acquired the rights to Worzel looking to make a film with Jon Pertwee as the lead.

When this idea didn't happen they took it Southern Television who like the idea and decided to produce the series, by using the south's landscape it seemed like a perfect fit for the series with the countyside, small market towns and the seaside provided a background for the stories to placed around.

On 25th February 1979 was the first time when people learned to speak Worzelese in an episode called "Worzel's Washing Day". Supported by Geoffrey Bayldon who's previous experience playing Catweazle came in handy as The Crowman allowed Pertwee and Bayldon to play off each other, backed up with Una Stubbs as Aunt Sally, a very young Charlotte Coleman and Mike Berry later to play Mr Spooner in 'Are You Being Served?' as well. Throughout its run with guest stars such as Barbara Windsor, Joan Sims, Bernard Cribbins and Mike Reid to to name but a few kept the pace up. Its zenith has to be the Christmas episode called 'A Cup o' Tea and a Slice o' Cake' broadcast on 27th December 1980 at 5.20pm including the obligatory appearance for Santa Claus but also Billy Connolly appearing as a Scottish scarecrow. Though in most newspaper at that time decided just to call the episode 'Worzel's Christmas Special' which doesn't quite as the same ring as the episode's name.

"Aunt Sally, have you got a Cup o' Tea and a Slice o' Cake for old Worzel?"

Through Worzel's hi-jinks, scrapes and slapstick over two years and four series. The series finished on the 12th December in the LWT region and on the 31st July in the Southern region, with TVS not renewing the show after taking over the franchise and also when a deal with HTV fell through to keep the programme on air despite a campaign by the Daily Star to do so. Alike most of the other series in this blog, Worzel went his own way. There was revival in the late 80's taking the series to New Zealand and a move onto Channel 4, this time on Sunday mornings. By then time had moved on and from the rudimentary of Worzel, there came another character who had started on Southern as well about the same time but he was now to be found in the big city lights with LWT after assisting Bill Oddie on his Saturday Banana.

Metal Mickey started off as the creation of musician and pirate DJ Johnny Edward who changed his name from John Flux when he joined Radio London in 1965 and staying there for a year. Later on he brought Renee and Renato together for their 1982 number one "Save Your Love". But Metal Mickey was a huge part of his life and Mickey was brought to The Saturday Banana and had made an appearance on a technology based edition of Runaround. It was Mickey's appearance on 'Jim'll Fix' It' talking to children in a marketplace for the programme alerted LWT producer Humphrey Barclay that there might be an idea in using Metal Mickey for something. A pilot was recorded within the month and thus was the start of an early 80's cult.

"I don't know about R2-D2, more like WD-40.."

Set within a family, Mickey had been 'invented' to help out around the home. Very like Worzel and Catweazle there was a fair amount of slapstick to the show, but also with Mickey's misunderstandings and willingness to help plus also adventures as well as pop star in one episode. It was a pop star who helped Metal Mickey as well as Johnny Edward and that was Mickey Dolenz of the Monkees who had found way over to the UK and now was producing the show for LWT with Nic Phillips and David Crossman directing the shows.

Dolenz gave the show what it needed, having been part of the Monkees during the sixties, he knew that there needed to be a zaniness to the show and kept it barrelling along apace. For those three years he was top of the pile, but eventually he was banished to the garage of television history. Though for a price you can still hire him for corporate and special appearances.

In the end the BBC brought Roland Rat across to be in the Basil Brush slot, there was nothing wrong with Roland but time has seemingly moved on. Programmes like The Dukes of Hazard, The A-Team and MacGuyer had become the norm by the mid to late 80's and that slot got swallowed up. There have been rumbling about all sorts of characters coming back to that slot, but even the revived Basil Brush stuck to during the week, not even the idea of Monkey from the PG Tips and ITV Digital ads could persuade bosses that it was worth a punt.

All creatures, small, furry and funny ruled the waves for a fair while but much like most of television of that time, it has moved or just dissapeared. From Basil boom-booming with Mr Derek to Roland calling out to his Rat Fans, they came saw and entertained. But here's something interesting, a mechanical hare was seen on Saturday night not so long ago. Maybe the time of creature is coming again?

"At the sporting event of the year!"

Its not everyone's cup of tea, I know that. But its there no matter, I'm talking about sport on television. As such nowadays everyone sees sports channels coming out of the woodwork all the time with even niche channels setting up. Even for me a sports fan, its too much nowadays. Whole channels just don't seem right, I was brought up on Saturday sport from a young age with Grandstand or World of Sport with the latter the choice which was always on at my grandparents when we used to visit them on a Saturday afternoon. With Sundays being the other way around at my other grandparents, so that was Match of the Day.

From 2nd of January 1965 when Eamonn Andrews introduced the first edition of World of Sport featuring on that day Motor Cycling Scrambling, Racing from Catterick and also Professional Running from Edinburgh as well. Professional? Hadn't they just only learnt to run by then? Meanwhile on the BBC, there was a diet of Racing from Aintree and also a Rugby League and Ice Hockey, both wrapped up the day's sports results.

As a fan of broadcasting as well, it was also the people who presented the programmes as well, with Dickie Davies sitting behind his desk trying to big up what sport ITV had on that afternoon. This naturally was a boon to any comedians as well knowing that they could get a sketch out of it, whether they were good or not but always material...

1. Were those ladies answering all of Steve Ryder's love letters?

Its just sprayed on you know...

French and Saunders, the two ladies who helped give comedy a kick up the 80's with their sketch shows. They saw the potential in the typists behind the sports presenters backs to be able to give them a life of their own in this 1987 sketch, the truth about what they were doing was they were doing admin like typing letters, requests and other bits of business. So it looked there was always action in the studio as well as the action which was being covered, much like dead air on the radio, an empty studio on a fast moving show is no good to anyone at all. But alike anyone there was always a sense of getting noticed in the background, knowing that even if they could get their face on the screen, well at least they would have something to say next time they were out and about!

2. "In a specially extended edition of World of Sport..."

"How?"

"Because I'm being paid good money for this!"

Fred Dinenage, what can you say about him? Except that hair you see there has receded right back nowadays.. No! But as a substitute for Dickie Davies he was the man, versatile in the same way as Jake Humphrey is today but where as Jake presented a Saturday morning show, here's Fred on the the best children's show ever Tiswas in a pre-title sequence sketch with his glamorous assistants in the background supplying him with information as well, but its most notable for that World of Sport t-shirt which has been made up so if any person or persons had been drinking the night before and switched on ITV at that time in the morning through their foggy haze would have confused themselves into thinking that it was later then they thought it was... Genius! 

So from the introduction its time for the action! Usually Auntie Beeb would be at a high class event such as thirty men throwing and egg-shaped ball about in the mud all afternoon or doing some other pursuit in the freezing weather while over at ITV they would make do with the New York State Fireman's Competition on the 10th of October 1981 or how about the World Watersking Championship from Thorpe Park on Saturday 12th September 1981? I wonder if all the competitors got a half price ticket to go on all the rides? Mind you, you would want to get wet again after plunging into the lake there? Though an example of this is this sketch from End of Part One, its a long video of the best bits but its in there. But hey, its End of Part One though! Its all good stuff you know, like an extra biscuit with your cup of tea... Beware of the racing results though, as it might bring back memories of a monotone nature...

 A very Dickie Stomach...

So after that top sporting action there only one more thing to come and that's the results... Finding out if you can afford to splash out on  the rolls, but usually more times then not a late goal has up the pathway again... Though reading out all those places week after week must take a toll on a person, because you're never going to go there so apart from a load of people vainly holding onto their pools coupons in the hope they'll get 23 or 24 points and that weeks jackpot, who on earth would could care about somewhere in the back of beyond? Or that's generally their held view because someone hasn't scored a goal to get them that crucial draw... 

Draw your own conclusions from this!

"Some godforsaken place nil..."

So we've come to end of the another action packed programme, next week we'll have Yachting from Cowes, The World Tiddlywinks Championships from Luton and Karting from Far.. nborough.. I do hope you can join again then... See you next Saturday!